August 21, 2018- Goodbye My Rubi

By now, you may have noticed that my tense jumps all over the place. This is because I'm writing this blog, a month now after finishing the Oregon Timber Trail Ride. I'm sad and unmotivated to blog because a few things are pretty shitty and it's hard for me to compartmentalize such an amazing adventure, mixed with sadness.

Part of Winter Rim is on fire. As I write this, a month after being in the Paisley, Winter Rim, Fremont- Winema Forest area... it's on fire. Some of what we rode on days 3 and 4 is... gone. It's sad to me that folks who were so generous to us are in danger. It's sad that others who are planning to ride the Oregon Timber Trail next year won't be able to or will be riding through the scarred remains of this devastation. 

Many of you reading this knew my Rubi dog. If not, you should have. This was my Facebook post last night.... Miss Rubi Grace VanValkenburg crossed the rainbow bridge this afternoon. She had been hiding a very large mass from all of us. She was a candidate for surgery, but that would have only been the first very expensive step of many. It was very likely cancer, based on its size and quick growth. At 11 years old, she was tired and in pain from this, and some arthritis and spondylosis. She let me know it was time to say goodbye. She loved you all. She knew if you were sad. She knew if you were sick (she would check your eyeballs to diagnose.) She knew if you loved her. She knew if you kinda liked her, but needed time to warm up. And she certainly knew patience and love like no other dog I've known. She loved to chase her buddy Rascal, even when she was tired. She loved camping, hiking, and even "swimming." She was very comfortable in her last couple of days and I am very relieved that I was with her when it was time. I will miss her.

This is the second time I've had to say goodbye to a dog. No break-ups, no life or career disappointments, no race losses, no human deaths... nothing has been worse. This hurts more. I feel guilty that I left her alone so much this summer, not knowing that a very large mass was growing in her abdomen. But I know she had fun with her buddy during summer camp and in a fucked up way, I think she knew to let me finish all of my summer plans of adventure and bike racing before she let us know that it was time to go. She knew I had a chance to experience all the things from Moab, to Whistler, to the Oregon Timber Trail, and more. She also knew school was starting and if she could just make it to last weekend, she could let the pain surface and stop eating while I was enjoying my best race of the year. It was such perfect timing that she let me know when I went to visit her and she didn't want to snuggle, a day before I was due to return to school. She knew I'd be distracted and busy the rest of the week. She knew a lot of things.